So, it’s the birthday season. OK, sounds stupid. Homo Sapeins don’t have any birthday seasons, do they? After all, we make babies all seasons. 24*7, 365 days a year. Please, don’t label this as ashleel. If this was ashleel, then there wouldn’t be people being born all year around, including 29th February.
But, some months are birthday seasons for some of us, because by some sort of unfair illogical coincidence, that I’m pretty sure is a way by which God decides to punish us, all of our friends’ birthdays are in that one month! So, come December, I’m going to 11 birthday parties and by Happy New Year, I’m gonna be as broke as beer bottle in hands of party crazies! Because, I can’t just go to birthday party with no gift on me! If I did, apart from stares and glares, I would also land up with few kicks in my gut, coz my friends are no angels. They’re humble and good, but they’re also greedy and not forgiving. Because, when it’s your birthday and you have to throw a birthday party and buy a freaking expensive costume with matching shoes and all that shit, and if you don’t get a gift, it’s bound to blow your lid.
And, if that didn’t, the people who come to the parties definitely will. They come, they drink, they vandalise the damn club and leave you to sort out all that shit! Like, WTF! Because, people coming to birthday parties are as crazy as anything. So, in the order of insanity, the types of people in a birthday party:
- The Best Friends: These guys are your best friends. They’ll help you organize the party, deal with all the invites, help you select the bomb dress, buy the Mango clutch you’d been eyeing for six months, make fun of all the crazy people coming and finally, will hold your hair while you are almost drowning in your puke with your face hovering over the potty.
- The Show-offs: These are the people, who bought the sequins black dress, borrowed the nude heels to go with it, did the killer makeup, dotted the i’s and crossed the f’s. They, sometimes, look better than the birthday girl and you be rest assured, they did it with exactly that intention. Beware, while clicking those selfies, they may try to hijack the whole frame.
- The Sloths: These are the people, whom you didn’t want to invite, but you got helpless. They’re your best friend’s girlfriend, your boyfriend’s sister, someone who doesn’t know you much and vice versa, and because of that reason this person hardly cares what’s happening here. This person won’t dance, or laugh, or pretend to be happy. They’ll just sit, acting all doom and gloom , as if they were doing this huge ehsaan on you by coming to you Goddamn party!
- The Lovers: This is a couple who is so sexually deprived, that they’ll take any opportunity to stick their tongues down each other’s throats. Be it the loo, the parking, the stairs, the space under the stairs, you’ll find them lurking in corners, their hands inside each other’s undies, licking each other thoroughly. They don’t care it’s your birthday, they just want to hump each other. If you don’t puke with all the alcohol in your system, you’ll puke watching them.
- The Gatecrashers: These people have no idea whose party it is or won’t give a damn even if they know about it. They are here just to drink free daaru, have free food. Usually, they are very peaceful and will go out of their way to avoid your way. But, sometimes they actually create a whole ruckus as why they are allowed but the boyfriend of your colleague whom you invited just to be polite, is not invited.
- The Attention-Seekers: These are the people, with recent break-ups, when the relationship turned ugly, leaving them either crying or screaming. This variety is worse than even the lovers, who though disgust you, but will leave you alone to enjoy. People of this kind don’t enjoy, and create a kind of guilty environment where no one can enjoy. You will feel guilty to that extent that you would not want to celebrate anyone’s birthday…. for next 10 years.
- The Drinkers: These are the people who come to eat and to drink, in most of the cases, just for the latter. They’ll drink alcohol like water, and push everyone to do the same, coz it’s their bhai ka bdday! Half the populace will run away from them, and by the time party ends they are already creating the scene, ki bhai gaaddi to tera bhai chalyega.
- The Angry Young Drinkers: These are the The Drinkers 2.0. They drink and get as crazy as you can’t possibly imagine. Half the party stories are their courtesy. Instead of going quietly like their tamer counterparts, these people create hell, pass out on stairs, puke on anybody’s shoes and if the circumstances are just right, may actually disappear to leave you all worried and angry outside the pub at 1 AM in the morning.
- The Cheapskates: This is by far the worst variety. These people got to birthday parties, eat food, drink, have fun, but never ever bring gifts. Howsoever good friends you are with someone, getting gifts is the greatest joy ever, so don’t keep someone away from this kind of joy. It may sometimes, be difficult to find gifts in a new area or even in the area around you. When that happens, you can always go to GoShoppin.in.
GoShoppin.in is a search engine and a database designed exclusively for stores. You can search based on keyword, category and location, all the resulting stores, with their location and contact info in you vicinity will be displayed, in a list and a map, so that you can transverse your way easily. You can also leave your feedback about a store. If you are a store owner, you can also register the store here. It’s free of price!
So, no excuses anymore for not shopping. Guess, that definitely means that the cheapskate got promoted to a new stance. GoShoppin!!!